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Ideally, the giving and receiving of unconditional love is a unitary experience. Couples experience this most frequently when falling in love. It also happens when someone fearlessly opens up to us in an intimate setting. This allows energy to flow into places of resistance that surround our heart and can be deeply healing.

It can happen during moments of vulnerability during therapy. We all have our preferences, idiosyncrasies, and particular tastes and needs, which have been conditioned by our upbringing, religion, society, and experiences. They match up with ours and give us comfort, companionship, and pleasure. The combination of both forms of love in one relationship makes our attraction intense.

This can be helped in marriage counseling when individuals learn empathy and the language of intimacy. On the other hand, some couples fight all the time, but stay together because they share a deep unconditional love for each other. In couples counseling, they can learn to communicate in healthier, non-defensive ways that allow their love to flow. Other times, the problems in the relationship concern basic values or needs, and the couple, or one partner, decide to separate despite their love.

Closing our heart in self-protection only hurts us. It limits our joy and aliveness. Dating stirs up unrealistic hopes of finding constant unconditional love. Or, unconditional love may naturally arise early on, but then we wonder if we can live with the other person day in and day out. The reverse can happen, too. Sometimes, during the romantic phase of love, people commit to marriage, not knowing their partner well, nor realizing he or she lacks the ingredients that are required to make a marriage work, such as cooperation, self-esteem, and communication and mutual problem-solving skills.

See a Problem?

It might seem so, because the conditional and unconditional rarely overlap. It is even more problematic to accept love when one does receive it. Partners feel lonely and disconnected from each other, even if the marriage looks good to others. Actually, striving after it removes us from the experience. By observing our breath, we become more present and can appreciate our basic goodness. In mediation and in therapy, we find those places we choose to hide from ourselves and others. In trying to reform ourselves, we necessarily create inner conflict, which alienates us from our true self and self-acceptance.

Since we go in darkness, light up our paths. May your light shine before us, may your fire warm the coldness of our life. We do not need your power but life. If my God were not overpowering, neither would be my evil. But I want my God to be powerful and beyond all measure happy and lustrous. Only in this way do I love my God.

And the luster of his beauty will also have me taste the very bottom of Hell. There is a true love that does not concern itself with neighbors. I must free my self from the God, since the God I experienced is more than love; he is also hate, he is more than beauty, he is also the abomination, he is more than wisdom, he is also meaninglessness, he is more than power, he is also powerlessness, he is more than omnipresence, he is also my creature.

How do you come to this question? I see only one thing, you are Salome, a tiger, your hands are stained with the blood of the holy one. How should I love you? She loved him, do you understand that? For she is my daughter. In the garden it had to become apparent to me that I loved Salome. This recognition struck me, since I had not thought it.

Esther Perel’s new book argues for a more compassionate understanding of our unruly desires.

What a thinker does not think he believes does not exist, and what one who feels does not feel he believes does not exist. You begin to have a presentiment of the whole when you embrace your opposite principle, since the whole belongs to both principles, which grow from one root. We must regenerate ourselves. But as the creation of a God is a creative act of highest love, the restoration of our human life signifies an act of the Below.

This is a great and dark mystery. Man cannot accomplish this act solely by himself but is assisted by evil, which does it instead of man. Thus I saw that the lover survives, and that he is the one who unwittingly grants hospitality to the Gods. But my eyes were opened, and I saw that you are a lover of your soul, who anxiously and jealously guards its treasure.

Could the longing for a god be a passion welling up from our darkest, instinctual nature, a passion unswayed by any outside influences, deeper and stronger perhaps than the love for a human person? Sooner or later it will be found that nothing really new happens in history. There could be talk of something really novel only if the unimaginable happened : if reason, humanity and love won a lasting victory. Psychoanalysis is in essence a cure through love.

To a man the anima is the Mother of God who gives birth to the Divine Child. To a woman the animus is the Holy Spirit, the procreator. Jung, Pages Therefore, the very foundation of existence, the biological truth, is that each being is so interested in itself that it does love itself, thereby fulfilling the laws of its existence.

To love someone else is easy, but to love what you are, the thing that is yourself, is just as if you were embracing a glowing red-hot iron: it burns into you and that is very painful. Therefore my formula: for the love of mankind and for the love of yourself-of mankind in yourself-create a devil. That is an act of devotion, I should say; you have to put something where there is nothing, for the sake of mankind. A woman is oriented towards the animus because it is the son of the unknown father, the Old Sage, whom she never comes to know.

This motive is hinted at in the Gnostic texts where Sophia in her madness loves the Great Father On the other hand a man does not know the mother of the anima. She may be personified, for example, in Sophia or the seven times veiled Isis. Jung, Page Jung; Pages It was then that I dedicated myself to service of the psyche. I loved it and hated it, but it was my greatest wealth. My delivering myself over to it, as it were, was the only way by which I could endure my existence and live it as fully as possible.

The woman is increasingly aware that love alone can give her full stature, just as the man begins to discern that spirit alone can endow his life with its highest meaning. Fundamentally, therefore, both seek a psychic relation to the other, because love needs the spirit, and the spirit love, for their fulfillment. Why is psychology the youngest of the empirical sciences? Why have we not long since discovered the unconscious and raised up its treasure-house of eternal images? Simply because we had a religious formula for everything psychic — and one that is far more beautiful and comprehensive than immediate experience.

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Though the Christian view of the world has paled for many people, the symbolic treasure-rooms of the East are still full of marvels that can nourish for a long time to come the passion for show and new clothes. What is more, these images — are they Christian or Buddhist or what you will — are lovely, mysterious, and richly intuitive. It is hard to believe that this teeming world is too poor to provide an object for human love — it offers boundless opportunities to everyone.

It is rather the inability to love which robs a person of these opportunities. The world is empty only to him who does not know how to direct his libido towards things and people, and to render them alive and beautiful. What compels us to create a substitute from within ourselves is not an external lack, but our own inability to include anything outside ourselves in our love.

Certainly the difficulties and adversities of the struggle for existence may oppress us, yet even the worst conditions need not hinder love; on the contrary, they often spur us on to greater efforts. Carl Jung, CW 5, Numerous mythological and philosophical attempts have been made to formulate and visualize the creative force which man knows only by subjective experience.

Soul Mates and Unconditional Love

The Orphic meaning of Phanes is the same as that of the Indian Kama, the God of love, which is also a cosmogonic principle. How am I to be creative? Nature knows only one answer to that: Through a child the gift of love. Nevertheless, mythology is not lacking in consolations. Did not the Word become flesh? The whirlwind of Anaxagoras was that same divine nous that produced the world out of itself.

Why do we cherish the image of the Immaculate Mother even to this day? Today accurate observation of unconscious processes has recognized, with all other ages before us, that the unconscious possesses a creative autonomy such as a mere shadow could never be endowed with.

Carl Jung, CW 11, Page These words say all there is to be said; nothing can be added to them. Being a part, man cannot grasp the whole. He is at its mercy. He may assent to it, or rebel against it; but he is always caught up by it and enclosed within it. He is dependent upon it and is sustained by it. Love is his light and his darkness, whose end he cannot see.

McNally, Cheever, and the Secret of Unconditional Love

The kernel of all jealousy is lack of love. The religion of love was the exact psychological counterpart to the Roman devil-worship of power. Because they are so closely akin to us and share our unknowingness, I loved all warm-blooded animals who have souls like ourselves and with whom, so I thought, we have an instinctive understanding.

The last steps are the loveliest and most precious, for they lead to that fullness to reach which the innermost essence of man is born. The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect, creative mind plays with the object it loves. You see, in spite of being a man in advanced age, you still have a young soul, a lovely anima, and she is confronted with the dangerous lizard. Now this is exactly the situation of our Western mind. American women rule the home because the American men have not yet learned to love them.

That you have picked on me, of all people, as a speaker arouses very mixed feelings, because the problem of love seems to me a monster of a mountain which, for all my experience, has always soared to still greater heights -which, I thought I had almost reached the top. And yet you are quite right when you say that the problem of love is the most important in human life. I falter before the task of finding the language which might adequately express the incalculable paradoxes of love.

Fate seems to have apportioned to us the role of two piers which support the bridge between East and West. Please give X. Lions around us stray, Silent and tame they rove, And sacred honors pay To the holy shrine of love. A genuine and proper ethical development cannot abandon Christianity but must grow up within it, must bring to fruition its hymn of love, the agony and ecstasy over the dying and resurgent god the mystic power of the wine, the awesome anthropophagy of the Last Supper-only this ethical development can serve the vital forces of religion.

Instantly, the problem of love Eros and power came down upon me like a leaden weight. Any form of love not sanctioned by law is considered immoral, whether between worth-while people or bounders. The task in these cases is to look for the meaning, for there is a meaning in both love and sex, and in every instinctive urge.

The ancients understood this far better than we do, they did not speak, therefore, of being in love but of being possessed or hit by a god. What occurs between the lover and the beloved is the entire fullness of the Godhead. Both are unfathomable riddles to each other. For who understands the Godhead? Christ contains all projections. Men projected head and called him the Logos, and women projected heart and called him Love. Where love reigns, there is no will to power; and where the will to power is paramount, love is lacking. Everything now depends on man; immense power of destruction is given into his hands, and the question is whether he can resist the will to use it, and can temper his will with the spirit of love and wisdom.

He will hardly be able to do so on his own resources. But who can be humble who has not sinned? This is why sin is so important; this is why it is said that God loves the sinner more than ninety-nine righteous men. This is not to say that the idea of God derives from the loss of a lover and is nothing but a substitute for the human object.

What is evidently in question here is the displacement of libido on to a symbolical object. He who cannot love can never transform the serpent, and then nothing is changed. II, Pages Freud, when one got to know him better, was distinguished by a markedly differentiated feeling function. He also had considerable intuition.

Noise is welcome because it drowns the inner instinctive warning. In my later years I am now in my 83rd I became doubtful, since I have received so much love and consideration that I have no reason to grumble. God is light and darkness, the auctor rerum is love and wrath. The Jewish conception of the religious relationship with God as a legal contract covenant! It is more likely that in the unconscious of the introvert there is a love for the object that compensates his fear of it, while in the unconscious of the extravert there is a fear that compensates his love for the object.

The attitude he [the introvert] assumes toward the object is a certain rejection, therefore, which can even develop into a kind of fear of the object. His primary reaction toward the object is actually not love but rather fear. The website can be loaded down completely, by taking it over as 'favorite page' in your internet explorer and marking it 'offline'. So you can always reach it without going online. Caution: The whole website including graphics has a volume of at least I am overwhelmed by these offers, as they surpass my own capabilities by far, and as I had never expected them.

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